Drowning

I feel like I'm being pushed out to sea against my will.

The sea leads to many places...but...will I be able to keep my head above water?

Is it possible that somewhere there is someone with a life boat, searching for me?

If so, whoever you are, please keep looking - I'm here, crying out for you to find me!

Please find me before I drown!


Misfit

The Paradox of myself...

So I didn't really feel like cranking out a long-winded post today but there was something on my mind that I did want to say. I wasn't sure how to say it without going on...and on...and on like I usually do. But then I turned to poetry and wrote this little speel on the spot about five minutes before posting this. Totally unedited and written on the fly: Enjoy :3

The Misfit

Ordinarily amazing,
Strange but familiar,
Smart but silly,
Average but rare.
Accessible when needed,
But forever wandering.
Soaring high above the clouds,
Feet firmly grounded.
Do not be fooled, nothing is
What it seems to be
Until laughter shines through
Brilliant, every day talents,
All a dime a dozen
But one...
I am genuine
I am me.

Misfit

All Kinds of Awkward

So while I am not technically schizophrenic, there are times where I feel like I have two personalities inside me: the first is a child who is silly, compassionate, friendly, and warm like the sun. The second is an adult who is straight-forward, deep, logical, protective of others and herself, and cold as ice. They often conflict and react to each other, as weird as that sounds: the child is anxious and finds herself wanting and longing for something while the adult tells her to wait. But lately, I've come to find that both are wanting and longing for something, someone, whatever. It makes me angry, and sad, and frustrated overall.

On one hand, I say things to myself like, "It's not fair!" but moments after I think that, I retort with something like, "Fairness isn't an issue here, that's just the way things are."

I'm so tired and yet so very restless. I feel like I just want to either grow wings and fly off to another place or melt into the earth all together. I want to stop wanting things....

Misfit

Adventures in Aramark

So there have been a couple of circumstance at work where I've had a couple of "counseling moments" with the customers. Here are some examples:

Last Saturday @ Chick-fil-La - Scene: the waffle fry warmer decided to stop working and therefore, we did not have fries.

Freshmen Guy: Are you going to make more fries anytime soon?
Me: Well the warmer isn't working right now so probably not. I'm sorry.
FG: What?! Sad day...
Me: ....Ya know....you could just get potato chips. They're practically the same thing but they won't burn you and may or may not have less salt.
FG: True...but I like the massive amount of salt!
Me: And this is why Americans have so many heart problems.
FG: .......also true....*goes to buy potato chips*

Wednesday @ Taco Bell - Scene: Like every other time I work at Freshen's, we're out frozen yogurt. again.

Me: Hi, how may I help you?
Guy: Hello, can I have an Oreo Microblast?
Me: I'm sorry but we're out of frozen yogurt right now...
Guy: *looks completely deflated/disappointed* What? ...You don't have any? At all?
Me: *suddenly wants to cry* No...I'm sorry! Would you like a smoothie instead?
Guy: No...that's ok.
Me: I'm sorry....Jesus loves you!

Pretty much every person who came to Freshen's wanting frozen yogurt reacted that way but man that guy wins for the best "sad puppy" impression. I wanted to run around to the other side and give him a hug lol.

So overall, working in the student center isn't nearly as bad as people make it out to be. Plus, I get my first pay check this week!! (Hopefully....) On that note, I'm going to play some Final Fantasy, go to bed, and then get up and go make fried chicken with Chinese students from 12 to 5! :3

Misfit

P.S. - I love the Chinese students. They're freakin' adorable.

Victory!!

After several months of searching, I finally got a job!! I'll be working Fridays and Saturdays in the student center making tacos and what not :D I start this week but I'll be trained on Thursday starting at 3. That's about the most exciting thing going on right now lol but I might post again later this week.

YAY INCOME!


Misfit